Table of Contents
Understanding the Ego (Nafs)
The ego in Islamic terms is called the nafs. It is the inner self that feels, desires, and chooses. The Qur’an speaks about different states of the nafs, from the soul that commands evil, to the self that blames itself, to the soul that is at peace. Allah mentions the nafs that pushes a person toward sin:
“Indeed the soul is ever commanding to evil, except those upon which my Lord has mercy.”
(Qur’an 12:53)
At the highest level is the tranquil soul, pleased with Allah and pleasing to Him:
“O tranquil soul. Return to your Lord, well pleased and pleasing. So enter among My servants and enter My Paradise.”
(Qur’an 89:27‑30)
Controlling the ego means guiding the nafs away from its lower desires and bringing it into obedience to Allah. It is not the destruction of the self, but its purification and training so that it loves what Allah loves and dislikes what Allah dislikes.
The Prophet ﷺ indicated that this inner struggle is more continuous and subtle than the struggle with outer enemies. Though the famous wording about the “greater jihad” is debated in authenticity, the meaning of struggling against one’s own desires is firmly established in the Qur’an and authentic Sunnah. Allah praises those who strive against their lower selves:
“As for those who strive in Our cause, We will surely guide them to Our ways. Indeed, Allah is with the doers of good.”
(Qur’an 29:69)
The Danger of Following Desires
The uncontrolled ego is closely tied to unchecked desires, which the Qur’an calls hawā. A person can even take his desires as a false “god,” giving them priority over divine guidance:
“Have you seen the one who takes his own desire as his god? Allah has let him stray knowingly, sealed his hearing and his heart, and placed over his sight a veil.”
(Qur’an 45:23)
When a person follows desires without restraint, the heart becomes blind and hardened. This is why the Qur’an warns against letting sinful habits dominate:
“And do not obey the one whose heart We have made heedless of Our remembrance, who follows his desire, and whose affair is ever in neglect.”
(Qur’an 18:28)
The Prophet ﷺ warned that hearts are affected by sins, which are usually driven by the ego and desire:
“When a servant commits a sin, a black spot is inscribed on his heart. If he stops, seeks forgiveness and repents, his heart is polished clean. If he returns, it increases until it covers his heart.”
(At‑Tirmidhi)
The more the ego is followed, the more difficult obedience becomes, and the easier sin feels. Controlling the ego reverses this pattern and slowly makes obedience sweet and sin bitter.
A heart that continually follows desire becomes blind to truth and heavy for obedience, even while the person may still know right from wrong in theory.
Self‑Accountability and Blaming the Self
One of the important states of the soul is the self that blames itself, al‑nafs al‑lawwāmah. This is the soul that checks and criticizes itself when it slips:
“And I swear by the self‑reproaching soul.”
(Qur’an 75:2)
Self‑reproach is not constant despair or self‑hate, but a living conscience that does not allow the ego to feel secure in disobedience. It is a sign that faith is still alive. The believer holds himself to account before Allah holds him to account. ʿUmar ibn al‑Khaṭṭāb رضي الله عنه said, “Take account of yourselves before you are taken to account, and weigh your deeds before they are weighed for you.”
The Prophet ﷺ described the truly intelligent person as the one who disciplines his ego and thinks ahead:
“The intelligent person is the one who calls his soul to account and works for what is after death, and the incapable one is he who follows his desires and merely hopes upon Allah.”
(At‑Tirmidhi)
This hadith contrasts two approaches. One approach supervises the ego and prepares for the Hereafter, the other lets the ego roam free and then only relies on wishful thinking about Allah’s mercy without effort or restraint.
Self‑accountability includes reviewing one’s intentions, words, and actions, recognizing one’s faults, confessing them to Allah, and resolving to improve. It is a continuous process rather than a one‑time event.
True control of the ego requires honest self‑accountability. Without regularly questioning ourselves, the ego quietly grows stronger while we assume we are safe.
Purifying the Ego
The Qur’an presents purification of the nafs as a central success and corruption of it as a real loss:
“He has succeeded who purifies it, and he has failed who corrupts it.”
(Qur’an 91:9‑10)
Purification means removing the spiritual diseases of the heart that grow from the ego, such as arrogance, envy, greed, ostentation, and love of fame. These are subtle sins that may be hidden from others but are clear to the one who looks inward honestly.
The Prophet ﷺ taught that true wealth is not outer possession, but inner richness:
“Richness is not having many possessions, but richness is the richness of the soul.”
(Al‑Bukhari and Muslim)
A person whose ego is purified is not enslaved to possessions, status, or people’s praise. He or she may own wealth, but the heart is not owned by that wealth. The ego is under control, not in control.
One of the most dangerous traits of the ego is arrogance, which caused Iblīs to fall. Allah relates:
“He said, ‘I am better than him. You created me from fire and created him from clay.’”
(Qur’an 7:12)
The Prophet ﷺ warned that arrogance, even in a small amount, can block entry into Paradise:
“No one who has an atom’s weight of arrogance in his heart will enter Paradise.”
A man said, “A person likes to have good clothes and good shoes.” He ﷺ said, “Indeed Allah is Beautiful and loves beauty. Arrogance is rejecting the truth and looking down on people.”
(Muslim)
Purifying the ego means rooting out this arrogance, accepting truth when it comes, even if it comes from those younger, weaker, or lower in status, and treating others without contempt.
Any sense of being “better” than others because of race, wealth, lineage, or knowledge is a sign of an ego that needs urgent purification.
Restraining the Ego Through Obedience and Patience
The ego constantly seeks ease, comfort, and immediate pleasure. Controlling it requires patience and discipline. Allah praises those who restrain their souls from unlawful inclinations:
“But as for he who feared standing before his Lord and restrained the soul from (unlawful) desire, then indeed Paradise will be his refuge.”
(Qur’an 79:40‑41)
The Prophet ﷺ explained that the path to Paradise often feels heavy to the ego, while the path to Hell is surrounded by what the ego loves:
“Paradise is surrounded by hardships and Hellfire is surrounded by desires.”
(Al‑Bukhari and Muslim)
Obedience in acts of worship trains the ego to submit to Allah. Regular prayer, fasting, charity, and remembrance weaken the grip of the lower self. Fasting in particular is a direct training of the ego, because it restrains basic physical desires purely for Allah:
“O you who believe, fasting is prescribed for you as it was prescribed for those before you, so that you may attain taqwā.”
(Qur’an 2:183)
Taqwā is closely linked to controlling the ego. It is to place a barrier between oneself and Allah’s anger by staying away from sin. This requires saying “no” to the ego when it calls to what displeases Allah and saying “yes” when it calls to effort in what Allah loves, even if the body feels lazy.
The ego always seeks the easiest short‑term pleasure. The believer trains the ego to seek Allah’s pleasure, even when it is harder at first.
Humility as the Opposite of an Inflated Ego
The clearest sign that the ego is under control is humility. Humility is not humiliation or denying the blessings Allah gave, but recognizing one’s neediness before Allah and one’s equality with other humans. Allah praises the humble servants:
“The servants of the Most Merciful are those who walk upon the earth in humility, and when the ignorant address them (harshly), they say words of peace.”
(Qur’an 25:63)
The Prophet ﷺ described that whoever humbles himself for Allah will be elevated by Allah:
“No one humbles himself for the sake of Allah except that Allah raises him.”
(Muslim)
Humility appears in the way a person listens, asks for advice, apologizes when wrong, and accepts correction without anger. A controlled ego does not insist on being right, being praised, or being first in every situation. It is willing to serve and to be hidden.
The Prophet ﷺ himself was the most humble, though he was the best of creation. Anas ibn Mālik رضي الله عنه said that he ﷺ used to sit with the poor, visit the sick, accept invitations from slaves, and mend his own clothes. This practical humility is the greatest example of an ego in complete submission to Allah.
Humility is not weakness. It is a sign that the ego is serving the heart and faith, not ruling over them.
Recognizing the Signs of an Uncontrolled Ego
To control the ego, a person must first recognize its signs within. Among the signs of an uncontrolled ego are:
Love of praise and dislike of criticism. The person becomes restless if not praised and angered when corrected.
Demanding rights but neglecting duties. The ego focuses always on “what others owe me” rather than “what I owe Allah and His creation.”
Envy at others’ blessings. Instead of thanking Allah and wishing well for others, the ego resents their success or comfort.
Showing off in worship. Actions of obedience are performed so that others may see and admire, which the Prophet ﷺ described as a hidden type of shirk. He ﷺ said:
“The thing I fear most for you is the minor shirk.” They said, “O Messenger of Allah, what is minor shirk?” He said, “Showing off.”
(Ahmad)
Obstinacy and refusal to admit mistakes. Even when the truth is clear, the ego finds excuses to avoid acknowledging it.
The believer must look for these signs within and treat them as warnings. They indicate that the nafs is trying to take control and push the person away from sincerity and obedience.
Whenever you feel anger at being corrected, joy at being praised, or pain at others’ blessings, know that your ego is speaking. That is the moment to resist it.
Seeking Allah’s Help Against the Ego
No one can control the ego purely by personal strength. Success comes only by the mercy and assistance of Allah. The Qur’an ties guidance directly to Allah’s help:
“But Allah has endeared to you faith and made it beautiful in your hearts and has made hateful to you disbelief, defiance, and disobedience. Those are the rightly guided.”
(Qur’an 49:7)
The Prophet ﷺ taught specific supplications that show how a believer seeks refuge from the evil of the nafs. Among them is his ﷺ frequent saying:
“O Controller of the hearts, keep my heart firm upon Your religion.”
(At‑Tirmidhi)
He ﷺ also taught:
“O Allah, I seek refuge in You from the evil of my soul and from the evil of every creature You hold by the forelock.”
(Abu Dawud)
These supplications show that the ego is dangerous and that its control is a continuous process. The believer never feels completely safe from the nafs until meeting Allah.
Turning to Allah in duʿāʾ, asking Him to purify the soul, is itself a form of controlling the ego, because it acknowledges one’s weakness and Allah’s power. The Qur’an teaches the beautiful prayer of Prophet Ibrāhīm عليه السلام:
“And do not disgrace me on the Day they are resurrected.”
(Qur’an 26:87)
A believer who fears the shame of an uncontrolled ego on the Day of Judgment will work in this life to keep the nafs in check through remembrance, obedience, repentance, and sincere humility before Allah.
Without Allah’s help, the ego will defeat you. With Allah’s help, even the strongest desires can be brought into humble obedience.
The Inner Struggle as a Lifelong Journey
Controlling the ego is not a one‑time achievement but a lifelong struggle. Faith increases and decreases, and with it the strength of the nafs also rises and falls. At times a person may feel closer to Allah and in control of desires, and at other times weak and prone to sin. Allah describes human nature:
“Indeed, mankind was created weak.”
(Qur’an 4:28)
Recognizing this weakness, the believer continues to strive, repent, and return after every slip. The Prophet ﷺ said:
“All the children of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent often.”
(At‑Tirmidhi)
Repentance is not only for major outward sins, but also for inner failings of the ego, such as pride, envy, love of showing off, and hardness of the heart. Each return to Allah weakens the grip of the ego and strengthens the heart.
Ultimately, the goal is that the soul reaches tranquility, where obedience becomes natural, remembrance is sweet, and surrender to Allah is a source of peace rather than inner conflict. The path to that tranquil soul is through continuous struggle against the ego, consistent obedience, honest self‑accounting, sincere humility, and deep reliance on Allah.
“And those who strive for Us, We will surely guide them to Our ways. And indeed, Allah is with the doers of good.”
(Qur’an 29:69)
Controlling the ego is the central inner jihad of the believer. Success in it leads to a tranquil soul that returns to Allah pleased and pleasing, while failure in it leads the soul to follow desire and turn away from guidance.