5.5.5 Maintaining Family Ties

The Meaning of Maintaining Family Ties

In Islam, maintaining family ties is called ṣilat ar-raḥim. The word raḥim is related to the womb, which shows that this duty begins with those linked by blood and then extends to the wider family. It is not just a social recommendation. It is an act of worship and a clear command from Allah. It reflects gratitude for the gift of family and obedience to the Lord who created these bonds.

Allah links true God-consciousness to good treatment of relatives. He says:

“And worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and to parents do good, and to relatives, orphans, the needy, the near neighbor, the neighbor farther away, the companion at your side, the traveler, and those whom your right hands possess. Indeed, Allah does not like whoever is arrogant and boastful.”
(Qur’an 4:36)

The Prophet ﷺ counted maintaining family ties among the most beloved deeds after belief in Allah. He said:

“Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should speak good or remain silent. Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should be generous to his neighbor. Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should maintain his ties of kinship.”
(Bukhari, Muslim)

Maintaining family ties is therefore one of the strongest signs of faith and one of the most practical displays of Islam in daily life.

The Spiritual Status of Family Ties

In Islam, family is not only a social structure. It is a sacred trust from Allah. The bond of the womb is honored directly by Allah. In a powerful hadith the Prophet ﷺ said:

“Verily, the womb is suspended from the Throne, saying: ‘Whoever maintains me, Allah will maintain ties with him, and whoever severs me, Allah will sever ties with him.’”
(Bukhari, Muslim)

This narration shows that how you treat your family affects how Allah treats you. When you keep family ties, you invite Allah’s mercy, protection, and support. When you break them, you expose yourself to His anger and withdrawal of blessings.

Allah warns clearly:

“So would you perhaps, if you turned away, cause corruption on earth and sever your ties of kinship? Those are the ones whom Allah has cursed, so He has deafened them and blinded their vision.”
(Qur’an 47:22–23)

The Prophet ﷺ also said:

“No one who severs family ties will enter Paradise.”
(Muslim)

This does not mean that a person who ever committed this sin is forever barred from Paradise, but it shows how serious it is. To persist in cutting off family without repentance is to walk on a dangerous path that leads away from Allah’s pleasure.

Definition and Scope of Maintaining Ties

Maintaining family ties has a broad meaning. It is not limited to one form of kindness. It varies according to one’s situation, ability, culture, and the particular need of each relative. At its core, ṣilat ar-raḥim means to connect, to show care, and to prevent harm from reaching them as much as one is able.

At a minimum, it means you do not intentionally harm your relatives, and you do not completely cut off contact while being able to keep some form of connection. At a better level, it includes pleasant speech, asking about them, visiting them, giving gifts, and helping them with their needs. In some cases it may include financial help when they are in genuine need and you are able to assist.

Allah mentions kindness to relatives immediately after worshiping Him:

“And give the relative his due, and the needy, and the traveler, and do not spend wastefully.”
(Qur’an 17:26)

The phrase “his due” shows that the relative has a right in your wealth, your time, your attention, and your good character, according to your ability. The Prophet ﷺ explained that even small acts count. He said:

“Do not belittle any good deed, even if it is meeting your brother with a cheerful face.”
(Muslim)

This includes your brother or sister in blood. A simple smile, a greeting, or a short message of care can be part of maintaining family ties when greater forms of contact are not always possible.

Who Is Included in Family Ties?

Family ties begin with the closest circle, then move outward. The strongest duty is toward parents, then children, then those connected through the womb. The wider family includes siblings, uncles, aunts, nephews, nieces, grandparents, grandchildren, and their children. Beyond that, it extends to in-laws and distant relatives to a lesser degree.

Allah often pairs worship of Him with dutifulness to parents, which then extends to relatives. He says:

“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age with you, say not to them ‘uff’ and do not repel them, but speak to them a noble word.”
(Qur’an 17:23)

The same verse that commands kindness to parents suggests how we approach the rest of the family. We avoid hurting them, we choose noble words, and we protect the relationship as a gift from Allah.

The Prophet ﷺ said to a man who asked who deserved his best companionship:

“Your mother.” He asked, “Then who?” He said, “Your mother.” He asked, “Then who?” He said, “Your mother.” He asked, “Then who?” He said, “Then your father.”
(Bukhari, Muslim)

This shows the order of priority within family ties, although all relatives have some right. Maintaining ties means recognizing these levels, giving each their due, and not neglecting the closer while only focusing on the distant.

Practical Ways of Maintaining Family Ties

Maintaining family ties can take many forms. The essential principle is that you keep a living connection and that your relatives feel your care and concern. Some of the most common ways include:

Regular communication in any form that is culturally normal and possible. Phone calls, visits, messages, or video calls can all count. What matters is that you reach out with sincerity and consistency. The Prophet ﷺ said:

“The most beloved deeds to Allah are those that are most consistent, even if they are few.”
(Bukhari, Muslim)

Financial assistance when needed and when you are able. Helping relatives in difficulty is both charity and family duty. The Prophet ﷺ said:

“Charity given to a poor person is charity, and charity given to a relative is two things, charity and maintaining family ties.”
(Tirmidhi)

Kind speech and good manners. Even when you cannot do more, you can always restrain your tongue from insults, harshness, and backbiting, and instead show respect and gentleness.

Visiting relatives, especially those who are sick, elderly, or living alone. The Prophet ﷺ said:

“A Muslim has six rights over another Muslim.” They asked, “What are they, O Messenger of Allah?” He said, “When you meet him, greet him with salām, when he invites you, respond to him, when he seeks your advice, advise him, when he sneezes and praises Allah, supplicate for mercy for him, when he falls ill, visit him, and when he dies, follow his funeral.”
(Muslim)

These rights apply all the more strongly within the family.

Supporting family in their challenges and joys. Sharing in their happiness at weddings, births, and successes, and standing beside them in times of grief or loss, strengthens the bond and reflects the mercy that Islam teaches.

Forgiving and overlooking minor mistakes. No family is free of conflict. Maintaining ties requires patience, humility, and a willingness to forgive for Allah’s sake. Allah says:

“And let them pardon and overlook. Would you not love that Allah should forgive you? And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.”
(Qur’an 24:22)

Maintaining Ties Even When Others Break Them

A key feature of Islamic teaching on family is that your duty to maintain ties does not depend on your relatives being kind or perfect. The Prophet ﷺ clearly described the true maintainer of ties. He said:

“The one who maintains family ties is not the one who merely reciprocates. Rather, the one who truly maintains the ties of kinship is the one who, when his relatives cut him off, still maintains ties with them.”
(Bukhari)

This hadith sets a high standard. It teaches that your goal is Allah’s pleasure, not only a fair exchange. If a relative stops calling, you call. If they speak harshly, you respond with restraint and graciousness as far as you are able. Allah says:

“The good deed and the bad deed are not equal. Repel [evil] with that which is better, and thereupon the one whom between you and him is enmity will become as though he were a devoted friend.”
(Qur’an 41:34)

Of course, this does not mean allowing yourself to be abused without any limits, which will be discussed separately. It means that your starting point is generosity of spirit and sincere effort to heal and preserve ties.

The Reward of Maintaining Family Ties

The reward for maintaining family ties is both in this life and the next. The Prophet ﷺ connected it to increase in provision and life span. He said:

“Whoever would like his provision to be increased and his life to be extended, let him maintain his family ties.”
(Bukhari, Muslim)

Scholars explained that “life to be extended” can mean actual increase in years as decreed by Allah, or that a person’s life is filled with blessing, productivity, and goodness. “Provision to be increased” can refer to money, but also to health, contentment, and success in many forms.

Allah praises those who safeguard both their relationship with Him and with their families:

“And those who join that which Allah has commanded to be joined and fear their Lord and are afraid of the evil of [their] account. And those who are patient, seeking the face of their Lord, establish prayer, and spend out of what We have provided them, secretly and openly, and repel evil with good; those will have the good outcome of [this] home.”
(Qur’an 13:21–22)

Maintaining family ties is mentioned among the qualities of those who receive the “good outcome.” It becomes part of the path to Paradise.

The Sin of Cutting Off Family Ties

Just as maintaining family ties is heavily rewarded, cutting them off is a grave sin. Severing ties means that a person intentionally decides to completely break connection with relatives, refuses any form of communication or help without valid reason, and holds onto hatred or grudges without seeking reconciliation.

Allah says:

“Those who break the covenant of Allah after contracting it and sever what Allah has ordered to be joined and spread corruption on earth, for them is the curse, and they will have the worst home.”
(Qur’an 13:25)

The Prophet ﷺ made the matter very clear:

“No one who severs the ties of kinship will enter Paradise.”
(Muslim)

Again, this is a warning about persisting in this sin. A believer who falls into it must repent and try to repair the relationship. Repentance means feeling sincere regret, seeking forgiveness from Allah, and taking real steps to reconnect or at least reduce the level of harm.

Balancing Rights and Setting Boundaries

Islam does not command blind submission to harmful behavior. Maintaining family ties is not the same as accepting oppression, abuse, or being forced to disobey Allah. There is a balance between upholding the bond and protecting oneself from serious harm.

If a relative tries to pull you into sin or to stop you from obeying Allah, your response must be clear but still respectful. Allah says about parents who push their child toward disbelief:

“But if they strive to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them, but accompany them in this world with appropriate kindness, and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance].”
(Qur’an 31:15)

This verse teaches two things at once. You do not obey in disobedience to Allah, but you continue to treat them with kindness and maintain the basic tie.

In cases of severe harm or abuse, it can be necessary to limit contact or even keep distance for safety or sanity. This can be done while still avoiding hatred, making duʿa for their guidance, and keeping the door open for safe reconciliation in the future. The principle is that you do not exceed what is necessary in your distancing, and you keep your heart connected to the desire for peace and goodness.

Dealing With Conflict and Hurt

Family conflicts are among the most painful tests of life. Misunderstandings, past mistakes, inheritance issues, jealousy, or differences in lifestyle can all lead to hurt feelings. Islam does not deny that these things happen. Instead, it offers a way to respond that protects faith and family.

The Prophet ﷺ said:

“It is not permissible for a Muslim to boycott his brother for more than three days, each of them turning away when they meet. The better of the two is the one who begins with the greeting of salām.”
(Bukhari, Muslim)

This general rule applies to Muslim relations in general, and it is even more important among family. Short periods of cooling off can be allowed, but long term boycotts without reason are not acceptable.

Allah promises a special status for those who forgive and repair. He says:

“The recompense of an evil is an evil like it, but whoever pardons and makes reconciliation, his reward is with Allah. Indeed, He does not like wrongdoers.”
(Qur’an 42:40)

This verse recognizes that you could respond in kind, but encourages you to choose a higher path. When you are wronged by family, you can still speak up and defend your rights fairly, but you are urged to keep the door open for reconciliation, to lower your ego, and to remember the reward with Allah.

Maintaining Ties Across Distance and Generations

Many Muslims today live far from their families due to work, study, or migration. Distance does not remove the duty to maintain family ties. It simply means that the way we maintain them changes.

Modern means of communication make it easier than ever to keep relationships alive. Regular calls, messages, video conversations, and sending small gifts or financial help can all count as ṣilat ar-raḥim. What matters is genuine concern and continuity.

The duty of maintaining family ties also stretches across generations. Adults should teach children about their relatives, help them know their grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, and siblings, and encourage them to maintain respect and connection. The Prophet ﷺ took care to honor the children of relatives and friends even after they passed away. He said:

“Indeed, among the greatest acts of righteousness is that a man should maintain ties with the friends of his father after he dies.”
(Muslim)

If maintaining ties with a father’s friends is such a righteous act, then maintaining ties with one’s own family members is even more so. In this way, love and mercy are passed down through the generations and the whole community is strengthened.

Intention and Seeking Allah’s Pleasure

As with all acts of worship, the heart of maintaining family ties is intention. A believer does not only keep contact out of habit or social pressure. The believer aims to please Allah, follow the example of the Prophet ﷺ, and seek reward in both worlds.

Allah praises those who act “seeking the Face of their Lord.” He says:

“And those who are patient, seeking the Face of their Lord, establish prayer, and spend from what We have provided them, secretly and publicly, and repel evil with good; those will have the good end.”
(Qur’an 13:22)

When you pick up the phone to call a relative, when you visit a sick aunt, when you show patience with a difficult cousin, renew your intention. Say in your heart that you do this for Allah, to obey His command and to follow His Messenger ﷺ. This transforms ordinary family dealings into acts of worship.

The Prophet ﷺ said:

“Actions are only by intentions, and each person will have only what he intended.”
(Bukhari, Muslim)

A simple visit or a short message, if done for Allah’s sake, becomes a step toward Paradise. In this way, maintaining family ties is not just about keeping a human network alive. It is about walking a path of mercy, gratitude, and obedience that leads back to the One who created the family and commanded that it be honored.