4.3.1 Proposal and Marriage

The Proposal and Marriage to Khadijah رضي الله عنها

The Meeting through Trade

Before the proposal of marriage took place, Allah arranged the circumstances for Muhammad ﷺ and Khadijah رضي الله عنها to know one another through honest work and noble character, not through entertainment or idle socializing. At this point in his life, Muhammad ﷺ was known in Makkah as Al Amin, the Trustworthy, and his reputation as a reliable, truthful trader had spread among Quraysh.

Khadijah bint Khuwaylid رضي الله عنها was a noble Qurayshi woman from the clan of Asad. She was wealthy, intelligent, and respected, and she used to hire men to trade with her money on a profit sharing basis. When she heard about Muhammad ﷺ and his honesty, she chose him to undertake a trade journey with her wealth to Syria. Some reports mention that she sent with him her servant Maysarah to accompany him and to observe him closely.

In this journey, his exemplary conduct became even clearer. Maysarah later described to Khadijah what he had witnessed of Muhammad’s ﷺ honesty, gentleness, justice in transactions, and his dignified modesty. He also mentioned unusual signs of blessing that he observed around him. These details deepened Khadijah’s respect and admiration, and they were the direct worldly reasons that led her to consider Muhammad ﷺ as a husband, even though she was a woman of status and he had not yet been given prophethood.

Khadijah’s Initiative and Wisdom

Khadijah رضي الله عنها was not a young, inexperienced girl. She had previously been married and widowed, and had turned away other suitors from among the nobles of Quraysh. Despite this, she recognized in Muhammad ﷺ a quality that was greater than wealth or mere social position. She saw in him truthfulness, amanah, purity, and a calm strength.

Some early historians narrate that after hearing Maysarah’s report, Khadijah discussed what she felt with a close female relative or friend. In one widely mentioned report, she spoke to a woman known as Nafisah bint Munyah, asking her to discreetly explore whether Muhammad ﷺ might be open to marriage. Nafisah then approached him and asked him in a gentle way about his situation regarding marriage. When Muhammad ﷺ indicated that he did not have the means to marry comfortably, she suggested Khadijah as a potential wife, pointing out her qualities and her respect for him.

Khadijah’s approach showed clear thought and modesty. She did not place herself in a position of impropriety, nor did she directly chase after him. Instead, she used trusted intermediaries, family consultation, and careful reflection. At the same time, she did not allow cultural norms about a woman’s shyness to prevent her from pursuing a marriage based on deen, character, and trust. This balance of modesty and initiative became one of the most important starting points for the household that would support the Prophet ﷺ during revelation.

Family Consultation and Agreement

Once the idea of marriage was raised, Muhammad ﷺ did not act alone. He returned to his family and consulted his uncles, especially Abu Talib, who at that time was his main guardian. They recognized the honor of such a proposal. Khadijah رضي الله عنها was from a noble family, and more importantly, she was known for her purity, intelligence, and generosity. Although she was older than him, this was not considered a barrier in light of her status and character.

The norms of the Arabs involved families and guardians in the process of marriage. There was no secret, hidden contract away from witnesses and relatives. The marriage of the Prophet ﷺ to Khadijah followed these dignified customs. Proposals, discussion of the mahr, and formal acceptance all passed through the proper channels of guardians and elders.

Reports mention that Khadijah’s guardian, often identified as a close male relative such as her uncle, took the formal role of wali in the marriage. In some narrations, Abu Talib delivered a short speech at the gathering, praising his nephew and acknowledging that although Muhammad ﷺ did not possess large amounts of wealth, he possessed a kind of worth and honor that surpassed it.

This attention to family involvement and public clarity in the marriage is important. The marriage of the Prophet ﷺ was not a secret affair between two individuals but a public, agreed union, honored and known among their people.

The Nikah and Mahr

The nikah of Muhammad ﷺ and Khadijah رضي الله عنها took place in Makkah before prophethood, when he was about twenty five years old. Khadijah was older than him, often reported as about forty, though exact ages are not essential to the lessons of the story. What is emphasized in the early sources is the dignity and clarity of the contract and the respect shown on both sides.

The mahr or bridal gift that Muhammad ﷺ gave to Khadijah is mentioned in some reports as twenty young she camels. Whatever its exact amount, it was a mahr that he took responsibility for and that symbolized his serious commitment. The concept of mahr was already known in pre Islamic Arabia and Islam later confirmed it and clarified its rulings.

At this point in history, the Quran had not yet begun to be revealed, so there was no direct Quranic description of this marriage. Later, however, Allah praised the general idea of nikah and its tranquility. He revealed:

هُوَ الَّذِي خَلَقَكُمْ مِنْ نَفْسٍ وَاحِدَةٍ وَجَعَلَ مِنْهَا زَوْجَهَا لِيَسْكُنَ إِلَيْهَا

“It is He who created you from a single soul and made from it its mate that he might find tranquility in her.”
(Surah Al A‘raf 7:189)

Although this verse speaks generally about the creation of spouses, Muslim scholars often mention it when describing the calm and mercy that existed between Muhammad ﷺ and Khadijah رضي الله عنها.

A Marriage Based on Character, Not Wealth

At the time of their marriage, Muhammad ﷺ did not possess the wealth that others in Quraysh had. He worked with his own hands and accepted trustworthy trade arrangements. Yet Khadijah رضي الله عنها looked beyond wealth. She chose a man whose character was his greatest treasure.

Similarly, Muhammad ﷺ did not marry Khadijah for temporary beauty or status alone. He saw in her a woman of intellect, restraint, generosity, and strong moral sense. She was known among Quraysh as Al Tahirah, the Pure. Through their marriage, wealth and status were present, but they were placed in their rightful position as tools, not goals.

Later in his life, when the Prophet ﷺ would describe what should guide a believer in choosing a spouse, he said:

تُنْكَحُ الْمَرْأَةُ لِأَرْبَعٍ، لِمَالِهَا، وَلِحَسَبِهَا، وَلِجَمَالِهَا، وَلِدِينِهَا، فَاظْفَرْ بِذَاتِ الدِّينِ تَرِبَتْ يَدَاكَ

“A woman is married for four reasons, for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty, and for her religion. So attain the one with religion, may your hands be dust covered.”
(Al Bukhari, Muslim)

Even though this hadith was said many years later, his own first marriage already reflected this principle in a clear and living way. He chose and was chosen based on truthfulness, purity, and mutual respect.

The Prophet’s Lasting Love and Praise for Khadijah

The way the marriage began can be judged by what it produced. For fifteen years before revelation and ten years afterward during her life, Muhammad ﷺ and Khadijah رضي الله عنها lived together in a bond that was marked by loyalty, trust, and deep mutual support. The strength of the foundation is visible in how the Prophet ﷺ continued to remember that first marital choice long after Khadijah passed away.

‘Aishah رضي الله عنها narrated:

مَا غِرْتُ عَلَى امْرَأَةٍ لِلنَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ مَا غِرْتُ عَلَى خَدِيجَةَ، وَمَا رَأَيْتُهَا، وَلَكِنْ كَانَ النَّبِيُّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ يُكْثِرُ ذِكْرَهَا

“I was not jealous of any of the wives of the Prophet ﷺ as I was jealous of Khadijah, and I never saw her, but the Prophet ﷺ used to mention her often.”
(Al Bukhari)

In another narration she said that she once spoke in a way that hinted at her being bothered by this, and the Prophet ﷺ replied, reminding her of Khadijah’s early support:

قَدْ آمَنَتْ بِي إِذْ كَفَرَ بِيَ النَّاسُ، وَصَدَّقَتْنِي إِذْ كَذَّبَنِيَ النَّاسُ، وَوَاسَتْنِي بِمَالِهَا إِذْ حَرَمَنِيَ النَّاسُ

“She believed in me when people disbelieved in me, she trusted me when people denied me, and she supported me with her wealth when people deprived me.”
(Ahmad)

This deep gratitude and love shows that the marriage was not a temporary alliance but a lifelong blessing whose roots lay in how it began. The early choice to marry Khadijah, and her choice to marry him, shaped the next stages of the Seerah in powerful ways.

The Unique Feature of This Marriage

Among all the marriages of the Prophet ﷺ, one of the most remarkable aspects of his marriage to Khadijah رضي الله عنها is that, during the entire period of their life together, he did not marry any other woman. This is reported in authentic narrations and is an important point in understanding the depth of his loyalty and contentment with her.

During those years, he was already respected, and later he became a prophet, yet he remained a husband devoted to one wife only. For a long time in Makkah, the message of Islam grew from within a household that was founded upon this single, strong partnership. Only after her death did other marriages occur, for wisdoms that belong to their own chapters.

In this way, the proposal and marriage to Khadijah رضي الله عنها were not only the beginning of a family but also the planting of the first seeds of a home that would carry the weight of revelation and the early struggle for Islam.