4.3.2.1 Relationship with His Wives

A Home Built on Revelation and Mercy

The relationship of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ with his wives cannot be understood as an ordinary marital life. It was a household built upon revelation, mercy, and responsibility to Allah. The Quran itself refers to him as an excellent model for believers:

لَقَدْ كَانَ لَكُمْ فِي رَسُولِ ٱللَّهِ أُسْوَةٌ حَسَنَةٌ
“Indeed, in the Messenger of Allah you have an excellent example...”
(Surah al Ahzab 33:21)

His wives were not only his life partners, they were “Mothers of the Believers,” teachers of the ummah, and direct witnesses to his private life. Through them, the world learned how he behaved in the most intimate setting of the home. Their testimonies preserve the living example of the Quran in practice.

ٱلنَّبِيُّ أَوْلَىٰ بِٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ مِنْ أَنفُسِهِمْ وَأَزْوَٰجُهُۥٓ أُمَّهَٰتُهُمْ
“The Prophet is closer to the believers than their own selves, and his wives are [in the position of] their mothers.”
(Surah al Ahzab 33:6)

This title focuses on how he ﷺ related to his wives, not on their biographies, nor on legal rulings of marriage, which are discussed elsewhere in Islamic teachings.

Marriage as a Sign of Mercy

The Quran describes marriage itself as a sign of Allah’s mercy, and this was fully visible in his home:

وَمِنْ ءَايَٰتِهِۦٓ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَٰجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوٓا۟ إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves spouses so that you may find tranquility in them, and He placed between you affection and mercy.”
(Surah ar Rum 30:21)

In his home, this tranquility and mercy appeared in daily, simple acts, not only in grand events. Aishah رضي الله عنها narrated:

كَانَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ ﷺ إِذَا دَخَلَ بَيْتَهُ بَدَأَ بِالسِّوَاكِ
“When the Messenger of Allah ﷺ entered his house, he would begin with the siwak.”
(Sahih Muslim)

Scholars noted that this was part of his care for his wives, that he would come to them with a clean mouth and pleasant smell. Small details like this reflected his constant gentleness.

He ﷺ also said:

خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِهِ، وَأَنَا خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِي
“The best of you is the best to his family, and I am the best of you to my family.”
(Sunan at Tirmidhi)

Gentleness, Affection, and Playfulness

Inside his home, the Prophet ﷺ was gentle, approachable, and at times playful. Aishah رضي الله عنها described:

مَا ضَرَبَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ ﷺ شَيْئًا قَطُّ بِيَدِهِ، وَلَا امْرَأَةً وَلَا خَادِمًا
“The Messenger of Allah ﷺ never hit anything with his hand, neither a woman nor a servant.”
(Sahih Muslim)

This clear statement from his closest witness removes any doubt about his behavior. His authority as a prophet and leader never turned into harshness at home.

He used to show affection in small, beautiful ways. Aishah said:

كَانَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ ﷺ يَضَعُ فَاهُ عَلَى مَوْضِعِ فِيِّى فِي الْإِنَاءِ
“The Messenger of Allah ﷺ would put his mouth on the same place where I had put my mouth on the vessel (to drink).”
(Sunan an Nasai)

She also narrated that they used to race together:

سَابَقْتُ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ ﷺ فَسَبَقْتُهُ، ثُمَّ لَمَّا حَمَلْتُ اللَّحْمَ سَابَقَنِي فَسَبَقَنِي، فَقَالَ: هَذِهِ بِتِلْكَ
“I raced with the Messenger of Allah ﷺ and I beat him. Later, when I had gained some weight, I raced him and he beat me. He said: ‘This one is for that one.’”
(Musnad Ahmad)

These private moments show that his home was not a place of constant strictness. It was a place of warmth, laughter, and human closeness, yet always within the boundaries of modesty and respect.

Sharing Work and Serving His Family

One of the most striking aspects of his relationship with his wives was his readiness to serve and help at home. Aishah رضي الله عنها was asked what he used to do at home. She replied:

كَانَ فِي مِهْنَةِ أَهْلِهِ، فَإِذَا حَضَرَتِ الصَّلَاةُ خَرَجَ إِلَى الصَّلَاةِ
“He used to be in the service of his family, then when the time for prayer came, he would go out to the prayer.”
(Sahih al Bukhari)

In another report, she said that he would mend his own sandals and garments and help with chores. This conduct corrected the idea that “important” men do nothing in the house. As the Prophet and leader, he still served his wives practically.

Justice and Fairness Between His Wives

In the later Madinan period, he ﷺ had more than one wife. This created a strong need for open justice and visible fairness. The Quran commanded him:

تُرْجِي مَن تَشَآءُ مِنْهُنَّ وَتُـْٔوِيٓ إِلَيْكَ مَن تَشَآءُ ... وَٱللَّهُ يَعْلَمُ مَا فِي قُلُوبِكُمْ ۚ وَكَانَ ٱللَّهُ عَلِيمًا حَلِيمًا
(See Surah al Ahzab 33:51)

And about justice, Allah says to the believers:

فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تَعْدِلُوا فَوَاحِدَةً
“But if you fear that you will not be just, then [marry only] one.”
(Surah an Nisa 4:3)

He ﷺ used to divide his time and resources fairly between his wives. Aishah رضي الله عنها said:

كَانَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ ﷺ لَا يُفَضِّلُ بَعْضَنَا عَلَى بَعْضٍ فِي الْمَكْثِ عِنْدَهُ
“The Messenger of Allah ﷺ did not prefer some of us over others in his stay with us.”
(Reported in Abu Dawud with supporting narrations)

Yet he admitted that the inner feeling of the heart is outside one’s full control, so he would supplicate:

اللَّهُمَّ هَذَا قَسْمِي فِيمَا أَمْلِكُ، فَلَا تَلُمْنِي فِيمَا تَمْلِكُ وَلَا أَمْلِكُ
“O Allah, this is my division regarding what I control, so do not blame me for what You control and I do not control.”
(Sunan Abu Dawud)

This showed his fear of Allah even when he was already fulfilling the outward rules of justice.

Emotional Sensitivity and Understanding Jealousy

In any close human relationship, emotions arise, including jealousy. The Prophet ﷺ did not deny these emotions. Instead, he guided and contained them with wisdom and patience.

Aishah رضي الله عنها narrated that one night she felt jealous and followed him, thinking he had gone to another wife. When he returned, he asked her gently:

يَا عَائِشَةُ، أَغِرْتِ؟
“O Aishah, did you feel jealous?”
She replied, “Why would someone like me not feel jealous of someone like you?”
(Sahih Muslim)

He did not insult her, nor accuse her of bad faith. He named the emotion, acknowledged it, and then clarified the truth in a calm way.

Another time, one of his wives sent food to him while he was in the house of another wife. Aishah, upset, struck the servant’s hand and the dish fell and broke. The Prophet ﷺ simply said:

غَارَتْ أُمُّكُمْ
“Your mother felt jealous.”
Then he calmly gathered the pieces of the dish and the food, and replaced the broken dish with another one.
(Sahih al Bukhari)

He did not respond with shouting or humiliation. He recognized human weakness, protected dignity, and restored the situation with justice and gentleness.

Respect, Consultation, and Listening

The Prophet ﷺ respected the opinions of his wives and listened to them, especially in moments of difficulty. One famous incident occurred at Hudaybiyyah, when the companions hesitated to obey his instruction to shave their heads after the treaty. Troubled, he entered his tent and told Umm Salamah رضي الله عنها what had happened. She advised him to go out, shave his head himself, and say nothing. He followed her advice.

When the companions saw him, they all immediately followed. This moment of crisis was resolved through consultation with his wife.

This was not a rare exception. He used to consult his wives and respond to their questions. The Quran itself shows that his wives could speak to him about their feelings and concerns. When some of them sought more worldly comfort, Allah revealed:

يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّبِيُّ قُل لِّأَزْوَٰجِكَ إِن كُنتُنَّ تُرِدْنَ ٱلْحَيَوٰةَ ٱلدُّنْيَا وَزِينَتَهَا فَتَعَالَيْنَ أُمَتِّعْكُنَّ وَأُسَرِّحْكُنَّ سَرَاحًا جَمِيلًا
“O Prophet, say to your wives: If you desire the worldly life and its adornment, then come, I will provide for you and release you with a gracious release.”
(Surah al Ahzab 33:28)

He was commanded to present them with a choice. This shows that they had a voice and a decision in their own lives, and that their feelings about their circumstances were addressed clearly.

Love, Loyalty, and Remembering Khadijah رضي الله عنها

The Prophet ﷺ showed deep loyalty and faithfulness to the memory of his first wife, Khadijah رضي الله عنها. Even after her passing, he continued to remember her with love and gratitude. Aishah رضي الله عنها, who came later, narrated:

مَا غِرْتُ عَلَى امْرَأَةٍ لِلنَّبِيِّ ﷺ مَا غِرْتُ عَلَى خَدِيجَةَ، وَمَا رَأَيْتُهَا
“I was never more jealous of any woman than I was of Khadijah, even though I never saw her.”
(Sahih al Bukhari)

She explained that whenever the Prophet ﷺ slaughtered a sheep, he would send some of it to the friends of Khadijah. When she complained, he replied:

إِنَّهَا كَانَتْ، وَكَانَتْ، وَرُزِقْتُ مِنْهَا الْوَلَدَ
“She was [such and such], and I had children from her.”
(Musnad Ahmad and others)

He praised her qualities and acknowledged the special place she had in his life. This love and loyalty did not prevent him from being just to his other wives, but it shows that Islam accepts deep, lasting attachment.

Teaching, Learning, and Spiritual Growth at Home

The Prophet ﷺ did not separate love from knowledge or spirituality. His home was a place of teaching, Qur’an, and night prayer. His wives learned directly from him and became among the greatest teachers of the ummah. Aishah رضي الله عنها alone narrated more than two thousand ahadith.

He ﷺ used to pray at night while his wife slept beside him. Sometimes he would gently wake her to join him. Aishah narrated:

كَانَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ ﷺ يُصَلِّي مِنَ اللَّيْلِ، وَأَنَا مُعْتَرِضَةٌ بَيْنَهُ وَبَيْنَ الْقِبْلَةِ كَاعْتِرَاضِ الْجِنَازَةِ
“The Messenger of Allah ﷺ used to pray at night while I was lying between him and the qiblah, like the lying of a corpse (in front of him).”
(Sahih al Bukhari)

This shows physical closeness and spiritual devotion combined in one space. He also actively taught them du‘a and remembrance. One report mentions that he taught Aishah the supplication:

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْأَلُكَ مِنَ الْخَيْرِ كُلِّهِ ...
“O Allah, I ask You for all that is good...”
(Sahih Muslim, in a similar wording)

He would use tender language with them. When he ﷺ was asked, “Who is most beloved to you?” he replied:

عَائِشَةُ
“Aishah.”
They said, “From among the men?” He said, “Her father.”
(Sahih al Bukhari)

He did not fear to express love clearly, and he did so in front of others, which uplifted her and taught the ummah that expressing affection is not shameful.

Conflict, Correction, and Returning to Allah

Despite his noble character, his home was not free from testing moments. Differences occurred. At times, some wives raised their voices, delayed obedience, or experienced intense jealousy. The Quran itself refers to an occasion when two of his wives agreed with each other regarding something that displeased him:

إِن تَتُوبَا إِلَى ٱللَّهِ فَقَدْ صَغَتْ قُلُوبُكُمَا ۚ وَإِن تَظَٰهَرَا عَلَيْهِ فَإِنَّ ٱللَّهَ هُوَ مَوْلَىٰهُ ...
“If you both repent to Allah, then indeed your hearts have inclined [to error]. But if you support one another against him, then indeed Allah is his Protector...”
(Surah at Tahrim 66:4)

Even here, the solution was through revelation, repentance, and the reminder that the Prophet ﷺ has Allah as his protector. This demonstrates that problems in marriage can occur even in the best homes, but they must be handled with return to Allah, justice, and clarity.

He ﷺ also did not allow his wives, or anyone, to cross clear limits. When a matter connected to revelation or the rights of Allah was involved, he was firm, yet still just. His anger was never for his own ego, but for the sake of Allah.

Modesty, Privacy, and Public Example

Although the Prophet ﷺ allowed his wives to narrate many details of his private life for the benefit of the ummah, he also taught strong respect for marital privacy. He warned:

إِنَّ مِنْ شَرِّ النَّاسِ عِنْدَ اللَّهِ مَنْزِلَةً يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ الرَّجُلَ يُفْضِي إِلَى امْرَأَتِهِ وَتُفْضِي إِلَيْهِ، ثُمَّ يَنْشُرُ سِرَّهَا
“Among the worst of people in status with Allah on the Day of Resurrection is a man who is intimate with his wife and she is intimate with him, then he spreads her secrets.”
(Sahih Muslim)

His own home became a reference for modesty and dignity. While his wives reported aspects of private life that the ummah needed to know for religious guidance, this was done with reverence, clean language, and clear limits.

A Model for All Times

The relationship of the Prophet ﷺ with his wives is preserved not to entertain, but to guide. It gives Muslims a living model of how to build a home that is full of:

Love and tenderness in words and gestures.

Service and cooperation in daily tasks.

Justice and fairness, especially in complex situations.

Patience with jealousy, hurt, and mistakes.

Spiritual growth and shared worship.

Loyalty to past kindness and sacrifice.

Respect for privacy and honor.

Allah chose that the closest observers of his private life would be righteous women who became teachers of the ummah. Through their eyes we see that the one who stood firm in battle, spoke strongly from the pulpit, and carried the trust of revelation, was also the one who raced with his wife, sewed his own clothes, drank from the same spot as her, and said:

خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِهِ
“The best of you is the best to his family.”

To study his relationship with his wives is to learn how faith enters the kitchen, the bedroom, and the daily conversation, and transforms them into acts of worship.